Ideal

Piece by Zackary Chong

Greyness in these things don’t end well, because it will pain us both to believe that we both have hearts after lying down; shoulder to shoulder forming shapes out of clouds, building castles in the sky and delusions in our brains. The best way that this should have ended would have been some catastrophic argument that made both sides hate each other – because as you oft hear; the opposite of love is not hate but indifference; if we both hated each other that means we both still could have loved; but if we never thought of each other ever again …

If I had it my way – I’d have loved to be the villain in it all ; they say the antagonist in a play gets paid the most ; when I did Helmer everyone thought I was a real bastard ; wishin’ that I would have been three times the ass he was ; screaming at the top of my lungs, making a grand fool of myself ; the kind of bastard you’d write home about and go how ! how could i have been so stupid as to ever fall for a man like him ! I rather you hate me than to forget me ; those are my deepest narcissistic tendencies bubbling to the forefront.

If you had it your way – you’d have screamed back at me and stormed off in the pouring rain, running away from it all and knowing never to see me again ; to leave it all behind and say this run was botched and since we knew it was done from the start – there’s no hard feelings for the ball game to end like this at halftime. You would truly hate me for the kind of guy I was, and tell it to me straight i never wanna see you again you bastard and I’ll roar with anger; all to cover the bruises of some half-cocked masculinity

If we had it our way – we’d be sharing a coffee now ; had done many things more ; this poem would have never been written ; and / or we would have ended with a bang ; not a whimper.

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Zackary Chong (@zankett) is a Singaporean monkey with a typewriter. His work has been featured by The Paper Plane Press, Ranger Magazine, Burnings Magazine, Sekudu Quarterly, Blue Moon Review and Anglo-Chinese Independent Stage. Always open to new writers to connect with.